Maree's Funeral

     On July 1, 2011, we held a memorial service for our sweet angel, Maree.  It was at her graveside in Cloverdale Cemetery on a beautiful summer morning.  We only invited our family because even just with only immediate family there were still over 60 people.  We had a beautiful white dress and bonnet made for Maree to wear, and she looked like an angel.

Maree Rose Clark

The kids had made bracelets for Maree, and this was the one her sister, Taylie had made for her.  I had painted her little fingernails pink while we were in the hospital together.

This was the program we followed.

Needless to say, this was a painful experience for our family.

I held our baby for the service, and hoped somehow I wouldn't have to let go.

My brother, J.R., was the first speaker.

Taylor's mother, Coleen, also spoke.

Taylor did a wonderful job relating his thoughts and feelings.

Our children sang, "Families Can Be Together Forever"

Taylor's dad, JayDee, gave the closing remarks.

This picture of Taylie portrays how we all felt.

Our family had made a special quilt for Maree with messages from each of us on it to place in her casket.

Tylor's square

Coleton's square

Taylie's square

My square

Taylor's square

Ray's square

T.J.'s square

Jaymon's square

This square made everyone cry.

Holding an angel

One last kiss

Closing the casket

We bought balloons for all the cousins to release after the funeral.

It was beautiful to see the balloons go into the blue sky, and we all felt our sorrow lift with them (even if only for a moment).

I don't think our little Ray really understood what was happening.

My family

Taylor's family

Our family will never be the same, but hopefully we will be better for knowing and feeling the spirit of someone as special as Maree.  We will never forget her!

Small Tender Mercies

    As we struggle through the days this summer trying to find a new "normal" in our home since the passing of our angel, Maree, Heavenly Father blesses us once in awhile with small tender mercies to get us through the day and make the moments bearable.  I found this poem on the blog of a friend who had also lost a child and it seemed as though it could have been written just for me.

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard Him say.

"A Mother has a baby"
This we know is true
"But God can you be a Mother,
When your baby's not with you?"

"Yes, you can," He replied
With confidence in His voice
"I give many women babies,
When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay."

"I just don't understand this God
I want my baby to be here."
He took a deep breath and
cleared His throat,
And then I saw the tear.

"I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child's smile,
With all the other children and say...

'We go to Earth to learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much,
But I visit her every day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow's where I lay

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I'm here.'

"So you see my dear sweet ones,
your children are okay.
Your babies are born here in My home,
And this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with Me,
Until your lesson's through.
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother,
It's the feeling in your heart
it's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start."

Maree Rose Clark

     The most perfect person I have ever met resided in my belly for 9 months and I said good-bye to 3 weeks ago today.  She is our angel baby and her name is Maree Rose Clark.
      On June 23rd I was induced to give birth to our sweet girl.  We knew she had a birth defect called anencephaly and would not be able to live for long, but we hoped to have a little time with her before she returned to heaven.  My labors were not very long with our other 6 kids, but because of the shape of Maree's head this labor was different and much longer.  The last time I felt her kick was about an hour or so before I started pushing, so I knew soon after I started pushing that she was gone.  I felt at peace, but my body was having serious issues.  My blood pressure had dropped dangerously low and my uterus had ruptured - I was bleeding to death.  I was rushed to surgery and had an emergency C-section and hysterectomy.  I can remember everything until they gave me something to make me "fuzzy" to do the surgery.  Taylor and the hospital staff were all very worried, but the interesting thing was that I was not worried or scared in the least.  I know I had my angel baby with me as well as my parents who passed away 8 years ago, and I was filled with such an incredible and perfect peace.  Maybe I got a little taste of heaven.
    During surgery, Taylor was not allowed in the room, so he had to go and somehow explain to our other 6 children that their baby sister was gone and that their mom was not doing well and the doctors were trying to save her.  Taylor gathered the kids all close and had a prayer with them.  After Maree was delivered, Taylor and the kids all got to hold her and spend time with her while the doctors finished up with me.  A kind volunteer photographer took some beautiful pictures of them that night.  Once I was awake after surgery, Taylor brought my baby to me and he gave Maree and I both blessings with the help of his dad.  I can't remember much of what was said, but it gave me great comfort.  Taylor's mother said that I had a beautiful glow that night like I had maybe been visiting with angels.
    Maree was able to donate here heart valves the next morning and will possibly save the lives of up to 3 other babies - she is a hero.  The nurse also told us that when my uterus had ruptured the baby had fallen into the hole and was putting pressure there so that I did not bleed as fast, so she also helped to save my life.  It is amazing what this little baby could accomplish, and she never even took a breath.
    Needless to say, Maree's birth did not go as we had planned or hoped, but it all probably happened the way it was supposed to.  Taylor and I were blessed to be able to stay in the hospital together the entire 6 days I was recovering and hold our baby girl.  Those days were priceless!  Now we try to move forward with faith and hope one day at a time.  Our hearts are broken, but we know that our family will be together again and our little angel Maree will be watching over all of us.

2-th Times!

     So, last night T.J. really wanted his loose tooth pulled out, so his dad worked with him to pull it out rght before bedtime.  He was so excited to have lost his 2nd tooth!  We put the tooth under his pillow and got all the kids settled into bed, but after a while, I kept hearing noise from upstairs.  I went upstairs to see what was going on, and Tylor had pulled out a tooth also!  It was a very productive night at our house as far as teeth go!   :)

Our Little Songbird

     Our little Jaymon is his own person from the way he dresses to his opinions about things.  He keeps my days interesting and I love having him be "my little buddy".  Lately, however, I have been wondering if I am living in a musical because Jaymon will sing everything he says!  He is always humming or singing, but I just have to laugh when he sings whatever he is trying to say to me.  He is so fun!  :)

Fun Weekend

I usually make the kids do a lot of chores on Saturdays, but this week we decided to lighten up and work a little in the morning and then have some fun! The kids didn't have school Friday, so Taylor took the 4 oldest skiing. T.J. was excited to go to the "Bunny Hill" because he said he "would probably find lots of eggs!". I hope he wasn't disappointed! :) The kids had fun skiing and sliding down the hill on their behinds when they had finished skiing. On Saturday after doing a few chores, we took the kids downtown to a big party to celebrate the BSU Bronco's Fiesta Bowl win and perfect season. Tylor especially enjoyed that (he is our sports nut!). After that, we went out to eat at a Mexican restaurant and then went to an Idaho Steelheads hockey game. We stayed until the kids started to "melt down" because they were too tired, and then we headed home. It was great to spend the day as a family. I loved watching Jaymon rock out to the music at the Fiesta Bowl party, seeing Tylor cheer as he watched the BSU football highlights, having Jaymon hold my hand and say, "Rock and Roll, Mom!", watching Taylie and Coleton get so excited to go buy popcorn and candy, seeing T.J. get piggy-back rides on Taylie, and hearing all the admiring comments about Ray in his bear-bunting as we would walk by. I am incredibly blessed and so thankful to have these sweet kids and wonderful husband!